Sweet, young mama.
It hasn’t turned out quite as you expected, has it?
You are tired like you didn’t know was possible. You are still trying to figure out how to get yourself and another human ready to get out the door fully presentable. And there is much crying, maybe some days on both of your parts. You deal with more bodily fluid than you feel you were properly warned about. This life: not so fancy.
Your friends look at you with an expression that is a mix of boredom and horror while you tell them about your days. They don’t have to say it, but you know they’re thanking God you took one for the team and became the statistic of the group. You in turn listen to their stories and too, feel conflicted- anchored by love for this new little person who has you completely, but still, wondering what those days, the ones they’re describing, are like. Because sure, you may still do college, but it’s not likely you’ll do college. Not like they are.
Your partner may or may not still be around, and if they are, it’s likely that they have some growing up to do themselves. Trying to be everything to two people at once is hard.
And where is your place, exactly? Still feeling like a kid and having there before you one of the greatest responsibilities any grown up could face: parenthood. You wonder where in the puzzle your piece fits. You question if it does at all.
Mama, you do. You fit.
Please know that a first time mom is a first time mom at any age. That certainly doesn’t mean you don’t face some unique challenges, or that you don’t have a lot to learn, it just means…trust yourself. Don’t give up or give your role over simply because you’re scared that someone else could do it better. The best thing for your baby is you choosing to be the best thing for your baby. Take advice humbly, but don’t push your mother’s intuition aside. That was a gift given to you when that life grew inside of you: don’t make waste of it.
Oh, and you won’t be lonely long; you’ll find your people, and then as you all grow up, long-lost friends will return to you. And you can be to them what maybe you needed all of that time ago. It seems a backwards way to heal, but I can assure you it isn’t at all.
Despite what you’ve likely heard, or at least what I heard, please also know that God loves you and that sweet baby like mad. He is rooting for you so hard. He knows what you both can and will be. The pair of you did not catch him by surprise, I promise. He delights in your growth and your selflessness. He has plenty of grace for you as you find your way.
You keep on loving that baby with all you have. You keep trying to make the best life for your little family (whatever that looks like right now). You’re going to make it. I cannot wait to see what He has in store.
Love from the Other Side,